We consider questions “problematic” when they reflect false, misguided or demeaning assumptions. Some problematic questions go beyond that to implicitly or explicitly dehumanize people who are living with Alzheimer’s or dementia, their care-givers, family and friends, or the rest of us. Some questions are also disrespectful to the person asking the question.
By disrespectful, we don’t mean that a question is too candid, probing, or personal. We mean that it denigrates the life and humanity of people, or privileges the experience of one person over another. None of us can always avoid asking questions that include some of these unfortunate features, but we’re trying to reduce that likelihood. For an introduction to our “problematic question” perspective, click the questions immediately below and they will take you to our commentary:
“Does she still recognize you?“
“What can you do if he’s just talking nonsense?”
“How can anyone work all day around people who have Alzheimer’s or dementia?”
We’ve listed below some other problematic questions that we’ve heard more than once–some of them many times over! We’re developing commentaries for each of these and will provide links to those as soon as they are ready. We’re also preparing a table or “cheat sheet” that pairs the problematic questions below with more constructive questions that might be better to ask out of respect for the people we’re asking or asking about–and to get more useful answers.
- If someone has Alzheimer’s, there’s nothing you can really do for them, right?
- Do people with Alzheimer’s even know how bad off they are?
- Don’t people with Alzheimer’s just want to be left alone? I certainly would!
- What could people with Alzheimer’s possibly have to live for?
- Is her memory gone yet?
- Does she know where she is and what’s happening to her?
- Is both her short-term and long-term memory shot?
- Why visit someone who doesn’t even know you’re there?
- How could anyone want to live like this?
- If you lose your memory and can’t make sense when you talk, what else is there?
- It’s so depressing to see people like that. How can you keep doing it.
- Do you ever think, “I ever get Alzheimer’s, I hope someone shoots me?”